Observations In Magical Time
by LittleBabeBlue
Summary: What happens when our favorite characters are de-aged and forcibly sorted? Hysterical Sorting Hats of course! Harry Potter/Doctor Who/BBC Sherlock crossover Rated T because I'm more paranoid than Mad-Eye Moody.


Yay, I can now cross five things off my writing bucket list, writing a HP/DW/SH crossover, writing a hysterical sorting hat, writing a Hufflepuff Doctor, writing a one-shot over 3000 words, and mixing in badgers somehow! All good things. Please review, this may grow into a two or three shot if I get good feedback.

"Um. Doctor?"

"Yes Pond?" A young boy with floppy hair and an oversized set of clothes appeared on the deck of the TARDIS.

"We appear to be eleven."

He smiled. "Yes, yes we do. And I must say, you look ravishing."

Another boy appeared, with brown hair and eyes, and held the red-haired girl to him.

"Hey, eyes off my wife. And she's _eleven_, Doctor! You sound like a pedophile!"

"I am almost 1000 years old, it's kinda hard to find someone your age. Unless it's the face of Bo. And that's just _yuck._ But still, you're right."

He spun around to face the girl again. "I am very sorry Pond. Please forgive me?" He said solemnly, just before cracking into a big grin.

Ignoring him, _Pond _walked to the door and opened it. Three minutes later, she stepped back inside with a dazed look on her face, and stared at the door. She opened it again, looked out and then closed it.

"Doctor. We appear to be at Hogwarts."

"Ahg!"

"Ahg? Really? Ahg? I spend all this time trying to capture the Great Sherlock Holmes, and when he wakes up and realizes he's been drugged, he says 'Ahg?' Not what I expected, Mr. Holmes. I was going to spell out my entire evil plan, and monologue to you, but, since your obviously not going to be scintillating conversation right now, goodnight Sherlock Holmes."

She approached him with a needle, and drugged as he was, he could only lay there as she injected him.

"Don't worry. It's not poison. Just something to send you away."

He woke up on wet stones after being hit in the face with a wave. Ice blue eyes opened and he stood up and looked around. Spying a large castle in the distance, he walked forward and promptly tripped. Looking down he realized that his feet were much closer than they should have been. Looking at his hands, he saw that they were much smaller. Bending over the lake, he looked in and gasped. Looking back at him, in the same suit he had worn as an adult (mercifully shrunk to size) was the eleven year old version of himself.

Harry was nervous as the boats pulled up to the underground harbor. Ducking his head to avoid the ivy, he listened as Ron whispered in his ear about how wonderful his brothers said Hogwarts was, and what they said about teachers. Trying to listen to both the voice beside his head and look around, he caught half of the voice and half of the view. He nearly knocked his head against the wood in front of him when the boat ran ashore. Walking into the entrance hall and waiting with the other first years, he heard the door open and close behind him twice, but each time he looked, there was nothing there.

"Doctor? What are we going to do?"

"Ah. Er... Hrmm. Well, I suppose we might as well approach the castle, the TARDIS isn't going to be changing us back, and personally, I'd rather like to be six feet tall again."

It was extremely odd to hear grown up words and inflections coming from the mouth of an eleven year old, especially when you knew he was over a thousand years old.

The trio stepped outside the TARDIS and onto the sloping lawn that led up to the castle. All the lights were on, and noisy chatter was faintly coming from the large hall closest to them. They opened the large door slightly and seeing a collection of other eleven year olds, they blended in with them. Amy squealed as she caught sight of a bushy haired girl standing behind a redhead talking to a small boy with messy black hair. The Doctor got some weird looks for his bowtie and muggle clothes, but he shook them off. The doors opened and a woman in green with a tight bun stepped out and lectured them. Amy was repeating "McGonagall" under her breathe until she hyperventilated and nearly passed out in Rory's arms.

Sherlock entered the entrance hall quietly and imperiously. He had straightened his suit and dried it as best as he could, but his hair was in disarray and he had mud on one pale cheek. Looking around he saw a group of forty-six eleven year olds, although one girl appeared to be twelve. At first glance they seemed to be completely normal children, but his attention was caught on three. One had gelled hair, nearly white and was obviously rich. The manicured hands and way he held himself reminded Sherlock forcibly of a french aristocrat. Another, a redhead was noticeably poor with worn shoes and too short robes, not to mention that the stick he was gripping in his hands was battered with some white substance-animal hair?-sticking out of one end. He had many older siblings, and a stay-at-home mother. Boring. The last boy made him stop. The clothes were new and fit right, but he wore them like he was accustomed to wearing things much too large for him, wrapping the edges around him and rolling the sleeves. The glasses were old, about four years, and in children this young, prescriptions change often. He was also scarily thin, judging by the flash of wrist Sherlock had seen, and stood as if trying to escape notice, which was made hard by the fact that everyone seemed to be staring and pointing at him, for no reason Sherlock could discern. A red haired girl fainted into a brown-haired boys arms as a woman in absurd clothing came out and talked to them. Sherlock tuned her out, and contemplated where he was, he needed to get back. John would be wondering where he was. He was supposed to be getting milk.

Harry listened attentively to the woman- no, Professor McGonagall's lecture. He wanted to know what the rules were and how they were going to be sorted. She said what Ron had, that there were four houses and they would be sorted into one of them, but she didn't say how. She turned and led them into another hall, where whispers started as the older students stared at them. Was he imagining it, or were they staring right at him? Oh right, he was famous here. Of course they would be staring. But they seemed to be staring at other people as well, namely a pale boy wearing-was that a suit? And another boy, carrying an unconscious girl with some effort as their friend bounced around behind them. His attention was brought back to the front of the hall as McGonagall placed a tattered hat on a stool. The girl had regained consciousness behind him, and stood up again, but was squealing in delight as the hat started singing. It finished it's song and the Professor opened a scroll and began reading names.

"Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!"

"Amy, calm down. Look, your scaring Harry, he's giving you weirded out eyes."

"Oh no."

"What?"

"I just realized that were not on the scroll of names she's reading out. We'll be standing here until she asks us why were not on it, _and were not magical._ "

"Oh."

"Yes, oh."

"It's fine, I've got my screwdriver somewhere, let me just pull it out. I can add us to the scroll. Maybe. Possibly."

The Doctor fished around in his jacket before pulling out something. And it wasn't the screwdriver. It was a wand.

"What?! Why is this here?"

His agitated hand motions swished it around and he felt a warmth in his hand as black and white sparks flew from the end.

"Wait, does this mean I'm magical? Because I wasn't last time I was here."

"You were here before? Why didn't you tell us! I would've wanted to come. Doctor, I am going to kick your-"

"Amy," Rory was tugging on her sleeve. "Amy."

"What!"

"Um. You've got one too. It's in the pocket of your jeans."

Amy reached down and pulled out a stick of light wood. Waving it in the air, she smiled happily when red and gold sparks flew from it.

"I guess I'm magical too! I bet you've got one, Rory."

He felt in his pockets and pulled out a chocolate brown wand. Sighing, he copied Amy and The Doctor, and brown and gold sparks appeared.

Sherlock sighed and stood as the woman continued reeling off names. If being eleven again hadn't convinced him, the singing hat did. The woman had dosed him with hallucinogens, now he just had to wait until they wore off. He didn't have a clue how his mind came up with all these random people, but he supposed they were here until he flushed the drugs out of his system. Crossing his arms, he felt something hard in the inside pocket of his jacket. Pulling it out, he realized that it was a thin piece of ash, about thirty one centimeters long, expertly crafted, with a core of some kind of sinew. Heart sinew he realized, from an extraordinarily large animal. He watched expressionlessly as the boy with messy black hair put the hat on his head and was sorted into a table full of noisy, boisterous people. He wouldn't go there. No, the people in blue and green seemed much more his style. Absentmindedly twirling the stick between his long fingers, it shot out silver and blue sparks, surprising him, although he didn't show it.

"Gryffindor!"

Harry sagged in relief. Really, he would have been happy to go anywhere at all, although far less happy if he had been put where the hat wanted him to be. Slytherin. He didn't know why the hat wanted to put him there, he wasn't going to be evil, was he?

Pulling the hat off his head, he nearly ran to the red and gold table. Now that he could watch, he noticed four odd children in the back of the line. One was the boy in the suit, examining his wand like he had just seen it for the first time, while the red haired girl was back on her feet, mock dueling with the boys she was with, without spells. The line drew closer and closer to the end, and their names still hadn't been called. Finally, they were the only ones left, suit-boy standing far off to the side, as if purposely avoiding them. McGonagall looked at them, back at the list, then back at them, and then turned to the Headmaster and whispered in his ear. He told her something and she nodded. Walking down to them, she reached the girl first. Speaking with her and her two friends, she stood up and lifted the sorting Hat again.

"Amelia Pond."

The girl made a face, as if she didn't like her full name, but walked up to the hat.

"So. Amelia Pond, the girl who just realized she was magical. Oh, and what's this? A time traveler? In space? My, my, you have had _adventures! _You are far older than you appear to be my girl, old enough that I know exactly where you should go. But I want to talk to you. Are there more like you? Two more? Good. It gets dreadfully boring sitting on a shelf all year. Do come by and visit me, won't you? I'd love to talk more. But they're looking at us, so you'd better be GRYFFINDOR!"

"Rory Williams. My you are...oh goodness. You are ancient aren't you? And madly in love. Well, since we know the language, let's talk out loud. I much prefer that. "

Dumbledore looked up as the hat opened it's mouth and didn't say any house, but rather started talking in... was that _Latin? _ And the boy understood!

"Etiam sit melius. Haec locutus sum in _saecula_. Suus 'potius refrigerium. Sic tu mille annis exspectare puellam amat, tuetur illam quidem nosti tuta fuit? Mea, ut takes extrema fidem. Vos estis classic Hufflepuff, sed ego ad loqui ad te. Vos itineraverunt in tempore et spatio, quod sic? Etiam. Monstra et prodigia videritis, ultra annorum, quot sunt. Veniat ad me. Et nolite amittere eam. Illa aliquid speciale. HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Aliquam et dum altera exstat sodes, durum ei."

McGonagall walked towards Sherlock, the other boy had given her a ridiculous name, and she wasn't going to call it out. "The Doctor", really. Like it was some kind of joke.

She asked the new boy what his name was, and he gave her "Sherlock Holmes" in a bored voice. He scared her, his face was completely devoid of any emotion, and his voice... She shivered and walked up to the front and called his name. He followed her and she put the hat on his head. He sat there for a full two minutes before looking up at her and asking, "Is this supposed to be doing anything?"

The hat snorted, "Boy, I can't sort you until you let me in."

Goblets crashed down all over the hall. No one, _no one, _could keep the sorting hat out. It was made to get inside your mind and talk to you, by the _founders_, the most powerful group in history! Yet this boy wasn't even breaking a sweat. He frowned, "You want into my Mind Palace? No way. No one goes in there but me." He suddenly became rigid in his seat, muttering "get out, get out" under his breath, as the hat attacked his mind, trying to get in. The hat jerked, as if yanked by an invisible string, before exclaiming, "Merlin, you are intelligent! You're smarter than all the founders put together, _plus_ Merlin! You're giving me a headache!" All the uprighted goblets crashed to the floor again.

"Of course I'm too smart for you, you idiotic thing. You look into every student's mind, and you cant even tell when one of them is being abused? You're pathetic." He pointed at Harry. "I could tell, just by looking that he doesn't have a happy home life. He's used to overly large clothing, his shoes are in tatters, he hunches and flinches every time someone touches him, even a pat on the arm. There's food in front of him, but he doesn't eat, not because a sorting is going on, look at his friend pigging away! No, he's not eating because he doesn't expect to. Add that to the thinness of his wrists I'd say he was denied most forms of food, love, or support at home, because no one changes that drastically when they get to school! He's tried to run away multiple times, but never quite went through with it, because he knows that if he succeeded, he would have absolutely no where to go. His glasses support my hypothesis. I can tell by the way his eyes move that he is blind without them, and practically blind with them. The tape shows that although they have been broken many times, probably by the relative who's clothes he's used to wearing, they have never been replaced, not since he was about six. Therefore, he is unhappy, suffers from malnutrition, and is abused at home. You look into peoples _minds_, and _I'm_ better at it then you."

Harry froze. As soon as the boy had started speaking he somehow knew what was coming. He'd be laughed at, ridiculed, again. Every time he'd told someone, nothing had happened. When the entire hall turned to look at him, his heart stopped. His eyes grew wide and scared, confirming everything the boy had said. Then he ran. Out of the hall and as far as he could go before he dropped to the floor unconscious. It's rather hard to run when you haven't eaten in two days.

The teachers froze as soon as they heard the word "abuse". When everyone turned to the student in question and he ran, half the staff ran after him, including Snape. The one boy who still had to be sorted was looking at the boy who still had the hat on his head with an unreadable expression. Part respect, part disapproval, part concern, and part something else was in his eyes.

The hat called "Slytherin." In a small voice, and the boy disgustedly dropped the hat on the stool before walking over to the table in green and silver.

By now, McGonagall was too flustered to care about the boy's unusual name, so she called him forward and he sat on the stool.

"Are you the last one? Good. I can't do this. I just..." the hat sighed, as much as you can without any lungs. It was placed on The Doctors head and suddenly it burst into tears. "Why are there so many of you?! Why!? I said one more, one more, not ELEVEN! I can't do eleven! Why did you give me eleven? You're not even HUMAN! You're not even from this planet! How am I supposed to sort you? I doubt the founders had a house for ALIENS! You're even older than Rory! And you remember it all! Just, just, just... how can you stand it? The pain, the loneliness, the guilt... HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF EVERYDAY!?" The hat dissolved into tears and had to be taken off The Doctors head. He stood there stunned for a moment, before sitting with Rory at the Hufflepuff table. Badgers were his favorite animals after all.

Latin:

"Yes, this is much better. I haven't spoken like this in ages. It's rather refreshing. So, you are over a thousand years old, waiting for the girl you love, protecting her, even though you knew she was safe? My, that takes extreme loyalty. You are the classic Hufflepuff, but I want to speak to you. You have traveled in time and space, yes? Yes. You have seen horrors and wonders, far beyond your years, as many as they are. Do come back to see me. And don't lose her. She's something special. HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Thank you, and when you sort my other friend, don't be too harsh on him."


End file.
